November 10th

I titled a post "the worst day" a while back, referencing my first day back to work after being on maternity leave. The reason it was the worst day had nothing to do with work and of course was all about being away from Owen. Well, it turns out that there are multiple "worst" days when you are a Mom. 

November 10th was another one for me. It was the first day that I did not see Owen from start to finish. I was working the weekend and after seeing how tired Owen had been on Saturday night (after being kept up past his usual bedtime of 7/8PM to see me when I got home), I felt guilty and suggested that Justin try putting him to bed on time- even though that meant I would not get to see him at all. I felt good about the decision until I was driving home. It was after 8PM and I started picturing Justin putting Owen to bed… rubbing on his baby lotion, putting on his PJ's, wrapping him in his sleep sack, feeding him in the rocker and laying him in his crib- all the tasks normally done by me. It was at that moment that I realized it. This was the first night SINCE HE WAS BORN that I would not be putting him to sleep. Boy, did that realization hurt. I immediately got all sappy and started crying. I felt robbed. I was happy for Justin, having the opportunity to put Owen to bed- there's nothing quite like rocking a sleepy baby. But I was jealous and sad that this moment, a monumental moment to me, had arrived. I would not be snuggling my baby and kissing him goodnight…. not tonight. :'( 

It's a silly thing. And yet it still stings when I think about it- even after the fact! I suppose I didn't realize how much I valued that special time with Owen. Our little bedtime routine is just that- a routine. And yet it is so much more. As I finished my drive home, I began to pray and thank God repeatedly for our sweet boy. For the gift he is to us. I prayed for God's protection over him as he sleeps. And for comfort for me, his emotional mama. When I arrived home, Justin told me that he had gone to sleep without any problems. I tiptoed into his room and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. I'd swear he never smelled so good! 

The next morning was wonderful. I love greeting Owen in the morning because he is always so happy to see us. That next morning, I decided to take my camera in with me to greet him and try to capture some of his adorableness. 

He's seriously the cutest. My heart could surely burst with the love I have for him. As the days go by, I realize more and more that the "worst" days will continue to come. But oh how thankful I am that there are so many wonderful ones in between and that I have a God who sustains me through all these sad-mommy moments.